A young woman became so anxious
about the size of her breasts that she starved herself in a bid to shrink them.
Leanne McKillop, 30, developed
such severe body image problems that she became acutely depressed and went
through a lengthy battle with anorexia. She became so ill she had to be
hospitalised three times.
She said: ‘I couldn’t believe how
quickly my breasts grew - one minute I was very flat-chested and by the time I
was 14 I was wearing a size 34E bra. I hated it.
‘Grown men wolf-whistled at me in
the street and the boys at school teased me. ‘It really got to me. I stopped
playing netball, which was my favourite sport, when I became embarrassed about
my chest getting in the way.
‘I became extremely depressed. I
thought the only solution was to shrink my body by stopping eating.’ Miss McKillop’s anxiety reached a
peak when she was 14 and she attempted to take an overdose. A childhood psychologist
recommended a course of antidepressants which stabilised her mood. However, her
apparent recovery hid the fact she had secretly slashed her calorie intake.
She said: ‘I stopped eating and
exercised obsessively, thinking that it would shrink my chest. Of course, it
didn’t work, but it allowed me to feel as if I had some control.’
At age 16, while she was working
at McDonalds, a supervisor heard her being sick in the staff toilets and raised
the alarm with her mother.
Her doctor referred her to a
psychiatrist who diagnosed anorexia nervosa. She received therapy before she
found a job working in PR in Tenerife which entailed a drastic lifestyle
change.
She said: ‘In the beach resorts I
was surrounded by beautiful women, so my desire to be thin just became
stronger.
‘Mum and dad were miles away, so
no one was there to check I was eating properly. After a few months, I was
exhausted.’
Miss McKillop was admitted to The
Priory for the first time when she was 20 and weighed less than 7st. She spent
seven months being treated for anorexia before being discharged when her weight
went up to 8st.
But despite her progress, she
relapsed almost as soon as she was released from treatment.
She said: ‘I even didn’t even
want to drink water because I thought it contained calories. My life revolved
around exercising for five hours a day and obsessively counting calories.’ When she was 25, Miss McKillop,
of Greenock, Scotland, was admitted to The Priory for a second time, weighing
about 5st.
She became close with another
patient named Paula, who sadly lost her own battle with anorexia when she died
two months after Miss McKillop was discharged.
She said: ‘Paula made me laugh -
even on my darkest days. With her gone, I realised I had to get better, not
only for my friends and family, but for myself.’
At 26, weighing a skeletal 4st
7lb, Miss McKillop was admitted into The Priory for her third and final spell -
determined to get better and gain weight.
She said: ‘When I won a place to
the Glasgow School of Art to study product design, I found a new focus.
‘I took up ballet and figure
skating too. It all helped distract me from constantly thinking about food.’
Miss McKillop slowly recovered
and, at a healthy 8st, she finally feels as if she has her anorexia under
control.
But with triumph has come tragedy
- this year another friend from The Priory also lost her fight against the
disease after her heart failed.
Miss McKillop, who is now
training to be a fitness instructor, said: ‘I’ve already lost two friends to
anorexia, and I want other sufferers to know just how deadly it can be.
Anorexia can, and does, kill. ‘Thankfully I’m back on track,
but my body has been irreversibly damaged.
‘I’ve got the kidneys of an
elderly woman and it’s likely that I’m infertile. ‘But I’m just glad to be alive.
After attending two friends’ funerals, I know better than most that not
everyone is so lucky.
‘I still have my bad days. I’ll
always be anxious about my weight and my body image, but I know it’s something
I can fight against now.’
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